Pictures of you that we DON'T want to see on Instagram, like your summer feet
Let's put ourselves in the happy position that what came to us through Instagram were not posturing photos but genuine photojournalism. Or what they called citizen journalism, a distant and extinct joke like any of the Sharpener Duo. "Photoreporting" comes from photography and reporting. "Photo" seems clear what it is. Reporting is the art (yes, art, let's exaggerate a bit, we're on vacation) of giving information about reality. The photojournalist, even if he is himself, documents what he sees, however ugly it may be. In fact, if the reality is ugly, the photos will be better. The posturing instagramer is looking for just the opposite, he has that magpie instinct of someone who tries to bring a little shine to a dull day to day , like everyone's, even on vacation. And he completes it with the caption and he finishes it off (shot) with the hashtag , which often gives cake with the image: no, your foot surrounded by sand does not seem like an incomparable paradise.
Let's say then that you are that citizen photojournalist of your vacations, which is a title that you can even put on your business card. What you have to do? Photos. We only ask you to be kind enough to save us a few things that we don't want to see, those that exceed the limit of what is bearable . Do it for your image, do it for our eyes, do it for the Aesthetics of the world. As Makinavaja said, “in a rotten world without ethics, we only have aesthetics”.
1)EGO HOLIDAY PHOTOS
You open Instagram and you come across 1,200 beach photos in which only she is seen in low angle view . So making the same face that it seems that she had made them with a tampon. That which appears behind looks like sand, yes, but it could be a beach as well as a quarry. Someone has to tell you that your photos are not providing much information. And that from number 50 one begins to consider the same things as with reruns of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air : "but how is it possible that I liked this before?". In the same section, it should be noted that a tattoo is not a vacation destination. Even if you make sure in the hashtags that that side view of your new tattoo is the beach, that other the pine forest and the last one, a corral. The solution to keep your tattoo interesting, but without being overshadowed by any stupid background landscape, would be to add some special effects. For example, a little manure on the sides would clearly indicate that you are in the pen.
Uh, how much mysticism a filter creates
2) FIND THE BLACK CAT
You send photos of a rave that will be a rave because you say so, because it could also be a mass. Nothing is visible. Nor can you see anything of that sky with the moon in the distance, nor of the night clouds, nor of the beach, nor of the little bitch you picked up at the beach bar. What does look pretty good is your eagerness to share the nightly wins. and what has been the cup of more that you should not have drunk. Or that you have combined badly: you have combined it with the mobile camera.
Night parties and no recognizable faces
3) FEET WITH PAINTED NAILS AT THE EDGE OF THE POOL
It is a category by itself. If you're a guy, this photo might be of some interest. If you are a girl, there is something wrong . For starters, there are an unbearable amount of ugly feet on Instagram throughout the year. I know it's not your fault, that those high-heeled shoes are precious instruments of torture carried by the devil. And that the feet are yours and you love them, as well as the orange color you have chosen for the nails, which a butanero would not wear. But I guarantee you a photo that brings together punished feet, swimming pool and ghetto nailz is Satan's wallpaper.
Damn all feet in the sand
4) PURE POSTURE
Are those photos where you just want us to know you're there , but you're not even going to bother showing us anything. And yes, we have noticed. This category includes any poster or label in any language that indicates that you are away from home. And the photos of any means of transport. You know perfectly well that the Benavente bus station is not going to look good from any angle, but hey, you look traveled. And head to a similar section of posture goes any photo of the United States, with special mention if you mention a movie at the bottom.
Take the AVE, but don't say where
5) DELICIOUS FOOD
A little empathy: summer is a time of diets and skipping diets, an epic inner struggle to which you do not help anything with your #fototxuleton. The solution is not to send dishes with leftovers. The place for leftover dishes isn't Instagram, it's the dishwasher.
Instagrammer porn food: how to envy with color and flavor
6) AIRPLANE WINDOW
Can't you guess what's behind the plane window? Aha, a cloud. And maybe even a wing. And the ground below. To surprise with this photo you will have to wait for space travel to begin . The solution so that they are not so interchangeable is a photo caption that tells where that plane is going. Actually, that foot on a plane that could go anywhere and who cares, shows your desire to tell us, I mean, anticipate the turra that you are going to give us with your vacations.
Airplane windows: no, really not
7) ANATOPISM
It's the Hawaii-Bombay syndrome, when you throw a party at home, but instead of modestly accepting your limitations, you photograph some bongos and claim it's an African soirée. The peak of these types of photos are the Ibiza parties in the garden of your villa in Alcobendas. All dressed in white and so into the role that you feel a little bad for them and how upset they are going to be when they come out of there and see that under the cobblestones there is no beach.
'Ibizencan' festivals of dubious credibility
8) LUXURY JUG
Badly photographed luxury falls off the cliff towards tacky with an ease that makes one think a lot about the limits between one thing and the other. Expensive, shiny things, sparkling burgundy and gold curtains, gin and tonics with many things on the fashionable terrace…. Any photo that shows something an Arab sheikh would like actually makes you look bad.
I posture even in drinking
9) FAMILY SCENES
It's your family, you love it and you've already made up your mind. But the scene on the sofa, with the cousins watching the tour, the grandfather napping without his teeth and you so sporty that you still haven't taken off your pajamas is highly unnecessary. If an older man dressed as a rapper also comes out because "we're on vacation" or your great-aunt just arrived from Bershka, we won't be able to distinguish your Instagram from a revival of The Monster Family. And the dog on your sofa is not a nature photo, no matter what hashtag you put on it.
Family prints NOT
10) REGIONAL SUITS
It's not just the pilgrimages and the costumes of your town's rock, it's that You should never have paired that kimono with your hipster beards. See that the Japanese are little to express emotions, but to that one who poses with you you can smell the shame of others from here.
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