Travel, relax and come back willing or willing to fall in love again
After a long period with the same partner there are certain aspects that can come to light even if we don't want it. Sometimes **that initial infatuation fades**, each one evolves or grows in a different way until they end up having incompatible personalities, that certain idealization they had of the other is lost... There are many potholes that a relationship can go through, but what to do when dealing with a major crisis?
For the holistic psychologist Antya Revenga the answer is simple: TO TRAVEL . “Traveling helps you feel alive, it connects you with who you are, beyond your roles and the different roles you play, and it helps you have moments of lucidity to discover what you want to do with your life ”, explains the also author of the blog Investigadora de la feliz. We talked to her to find out the reasons why making a getaway can help us open our minds and, more importantly, the practical advice to follow during this complicated process.
Travel as a way to cleanse
1. YOU WILL GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE
After years of relationship, both members of the couple end up acquiring a set of habits and a common routine which is very difficult to get rid of. “In a way, It's like getting out of an addiction. ”, explains the specialist. “ Traveling helps you check if you are facing something real and that it is giving you something, or it is simply a need” or a dependency. Whether it's a short or long trip, this experience will help you get out of your comfort zone and see how you feel about yourself.
two. YOU WILL DISCOVER YOUR DEEPEST FEELINGS
Do you miss your partner? Do you feel like you want to share the things that are happening to you with the other person? Or, on the contrary, do you feel that it is a real relief to get back in touch with yourself? Do you think you are growing more alone than in your relationship?
There are many questions that we must ask ourselves during this adventure and for that reason, the ideal is to do it alone. Although traveling in a group can also be used to make a decision, after all, doing it alone means "exposing yourself more, but also discovering more," says Revenga. "When you go accompanied you don't have to 'find the beans', you don't have to make new friends along the way, ask if you get lost... in these cases, both the group and the couple can act as a support", she says. Traveling takes us to unknown places and situations that help us get to know each other better and discover what we really want.
3. YOU WILL RETURN THE THINGS YOU LIKE
“We don't have to complicate ourselves. Life is already too complicated by itself”, says Revenga. In Japanese, the term crisis means 'opportunity', so why not take advantage of this dilemma to do what we really want? Visiting that village hidden in the mountains that you never went to because your boyfriend was more of a beach person, getting to know that city that your partner had already been to three times and didn't want to repeat, going on that backpacking trip that she never liked... According to Revenga, “We tend to pull from inertia or routines in our day to day and you don't consider anything beyond working, making ends meet... and in the end you don't choose what to do with your time. Whereas when you have a crisis, you can ask yourself what you really want. It is a perfect moment to connect with your essence, with the deepest part of you”.
Do you miss your partner?
Four. YOU WILL PUT YOURSELF TO THE TEST
“Experiment, surprise yourself doing things you never thought you would do”, advises Antía Revenga. Traveling alone puts you in multiple situations that you never thought you would be able to face. Moving away from the partner helps us discover facets of our personality that we did not know until now. The ideal? Enhance your interest and curiosity for everything around you.
5. YOU WILL HAVE TIME TO MEDITATE
“Disconnect with yourself to reconnect” Revenga points out. That is the main objective of traveling alone. When you're not going with a group, you can take all the time in the world to reflect and think about what your goals, priorities, and passions are. However, it is also important insert moments of solitude and introspection with moments of socialization and expansion”.
6. YOU WILL MAKE A DECISION WITH PERSPECTIVE
Once you decide to embark on this journey, there is a golden rule that cannot be missed: we must not contact our partner. “As in any addiction, there comes a time when the monkey comes up and what to do? Go to the rigorous call of 'how are you?' because that is the attachment we are used to, but if you manage to overcome that phase, you will have the will to decide from freedom . Not from inertia or habit”, adds Antía. "There are people who are very afraid of loneliness because they think they won't be able to, because they are used to having someone who is looking out for them... and then they tend to exchange one partner for another," she points out.
In those cases, there is no real feeling, but a need because he believes he needs another person to survive, "not to live well." For all this, being away for a while and facing new circumstances will clear up your doubts to discern if it is love or need, if it is a complete relationship or if it is just dependency. Only then will you be able to figure out if you really miss that person, if you want to give your relationship a second chance and, above all, if you are better together than apart.
decide from freedom
ANY ADVICE?
1. CONNECT WITH OTHER PEOPLE. "During the week you talk to your usual friends, you relate to your usual partner, you go to work at your usual job... and that ultimately affects your synaptic pathway and on the i identity you have of yourself. By repeating the same thing over and over again, you don't get out of that loop and you don't access new facets”, explains Revenga. Also, meeting new people will also help you understand if you are attracted to other people or not.
two. TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED. To put it in some way, “there are brains that are slower and others that are faster. There are people who with a weekend in their childhood town can help them realize that they do not want to continue with their partner and others who need a month to discern if it is love or an addictive attachment. Specialists recommend a week at least, as a period of time just to realize something.
3. DON'T TAKE EVERYTHING TIED AND PLANNED, LEAVE CERTAIN ROOM FOR IMPROVISATION. Even if you see an exhibition that you like or visit that essential monument, it is necessary to leave room for spontaneity, since those moments will be the ones that make you discover new aspects of your personality or your way of relating.
Travel as therapy and as a way to rediscover oneself