30 prejudices about Spanish gastronomy
For a week the Barcelona Fair has been dressed in trends, gastronomic innovation and foodies instagramming relentlessly: the gastrocanapero's paradise. We refer to Food —International Food and Beverage Show, attended by more than 50 Michelin stars, four thousand exhibitors and more than one hundred and forty thousand (very) hungry visitors, bag in hand. My excuse was to participate in a round table on Street Food organized by Marqués de Riscal, along with my dear Mikel Iturriaga and Alejandra Ansón.
Today we are going to talk about stereotypes of the rest of the world regarding Spanish gastronomy —Citizens and exhibitors from more than 140 countries visit Alimentaria. Added to this is the work of Yanko Tsvetkov, a Bulgarian designer and illustrator who has written some fantastic books called 'Maps of Stereotypes'. So white and bottled, milk: here are 30 prejudices about Spanish gastronomy from which it will not be easy to escape.
1) Paella. All Spanish gastronomy fits in one word: paella.
2)Ferran Adria. Well, maybe two: paella and Adrià.
3)(Very) coffee growers. In Spain, coffee is drunk, tea is not drunk, infusions are not drunk, much less detox diets. Coffee is drunk.
4) Olive oil. From France up, butter. In Spain, olive oil and olé.
5) La Rioja. In la piel de toro (unfortunately) much more beer is drunk than wine. Infinitely more (more than 110 liters of beer per person per year for 15 liters of wine) however, for the foreigner, Spain is La Rioja and point ball.
6) It smells like garlic. Victoria Beckham says so and… who the hell are we to contradict Posh Spice?
7) Street food? What street food or what the hell… here street food is called churrerías, chestnuts and buñuelos.
8) Have breakfast like a pauper, lunch like a Prince and dinner like a King. If in Españistán we do everything the other way around, we were not going to be less with the order of the pitanza.
9)Guateque schedules. We eat at three and have dinner at ten, and from table to bed. All the digestion there, dancing very strongly to the Maria Caipirinha by Carlinhos Brown.
10) Chubby and pretty. Spain is the territory of very lush Andalusians and Basques with built-in wardrobes. In Copenhagen, however, they are skinny and eat plants.
11) Corleone desktop. Feast, coffee, dessert, liquor, glass, cigar, another coffee. And so on until six and then to cry very hard on the screen.
12) Chiringos. Didn't they know that the first beach bar planted its umbrella in Sitges and that the name came from César González-Ruano? —the best columnist that this country has produced, teacher of Umbral, Campany, Cambra and so many others. Chiringo: splash of coffee.
13) Sherry. That it's not a wine (I mean, yes it is—wow, it is, but for a 50-year-old Mayfair posh, a Sherry isn't a wine, it's a Sherry).
14)Free tapas! To this day, more than two and more than three Belgians are still stunned by the free tapa with a straw in Graná. In Los Diamantes, without going any further.
15) Sandwich territory. Bocata, light of my life, fire of my entrails. My sin, my soul. Bo-ca-ta: the tip of the tongue undertakes a journey of three steps from the edge of the palate to rest, in the third, on the edge of the teeth. Bo.Ca.Ta
16) "The route" of haute cuisine. Spain is synonymous with paella, bravas and sandwiches, yes: but 90% of the guests at our Three Michelin Stars are foreigners. If you do "The Route" (Can Roca, Mugaritz, Aponiente, DiverXO, Nerua, Quique Dacosta, Camarena, Atrio...) it is likely that you will find more than one Jap taking notes.
17) Galician seafood. Seafood and Galician go hand in hand like Johnny Depp and Tim Burton or Lindsay Lohan and problems. Crabs, crabs, razor shells, periwinkles or barnacles. And Albarino, of course.
18) Lucio's eggs. Matthew McConaughey, Tom Cruise and Matt Damon, in addition to banging Penélope Cruz, have something in common: they've even screwed up Casa Lucio . Overrated? An atrocity. But even so, they go inside.
19) Tap vermouth. Faucets from which vermouth emanates, Rivendell trembles. Spain brand.
20) Cortadito and to the mess. It is surprising how many compatriots do not eat anything for breakfast. Niente: a coffee and work. The nightmare of the endocrine.
21) The sound and the fury. Curious paradox: there are more decibels in a Sevillian restaurant with conveniently separated tables than a communal table in Oslo.
22) Bars, what places. Spain shows an average of one bar for every 132 people, at the head of the European Union -obviously- and only behind Cyprus on a world scale. Damn Cypriots.
23) Life in the bar. Attention to the data: according to the study "Link between citizens and the bar" 30 percent of those surveyed would leave the key to their house with the waiter and more than two thirds know his name.
24) Autonomies? I don't want to get into a shirt of eleven rods but: paella. Paella in Barceloneta, paella in Santiago de Compostela, in Ronda and in Donosti. Paella everywhere: the third most consumed dish on the planet, after pizza and hamburger.
25) Bottle. And don't think that it's just a parné thing or the schedules (also) because there isn't a social network like that car park where the kids go to get their asses off with cheap gin.
26) The Mediterranean diet. Which has one thing that fascinates us: "What You See Is What You Get", what you see is what you get. There are no sauces here, no make-up **no butter (hello, France)**. You know what you eat. In other words: bad cannot be passed off as good.
27) Potatoes. In Spain they eat the best potato chips on the planet and I don't want anything but at this point.
28) If there is no cheese there is no kiss. The thing about "they don't give it to you with cheese" is sovereign stupidity: wine and cheese. And also, what cheeses…
29) Waiter! We have two ways to call the waiter: either with a shout or by snapping your fingers. This point is embarrassing, things as they are.
30) Paella. But not at dinner, for God's sake.