Heifers, cider and regional dances
Assume that if you are in town the August 15th you're going to end up joining them. Because that way you can avoid the pylon and because even if you hide under the table, your cousin stretches Meter the Panarra he will find you.
BETTER INTEGRATE: IT DOESN'T HURT SO MUCH
All you have to do is take whoever you have next to your shoulders - smell what they smell, smear what they smear - rock your pelvis from front to back and sing as if you had your throat in liquidation by knockdown: “Paquiiito eeel chocolateeroo”.
Sarita in her native Campo de Criptana, super integrated
ORCHESTRA
The name of the orchestra says it all about a town and serves as both a tourist guide and a program of celebrations.
- Dj Nuts: you are in a town in a valley of the Basque Country yet to be mapped. the drink is kalimotxo and dinner too. You're not going to catch even if you take your girlfriend.
- Joy Orchestra: As you already suspected from the booths and the lanterns, you are in a town in Catalonia that passes for Triana. You are going to spend the rest of the summer on the verge of a heart attack every time someone claps by your side.
- Sensations Orchestra: deep Castile. Under the handkerchief and the tacky rock shirt, remember to put on the neoprene suit : They no longer throw goats, but they do throw you into the pylon and the Castilian temperature drops 30 degrees suddenly between 9 and 10 at night.
landscaping
FOOD
The typical food of the village festivals is a glob of fat to which they put things around like bread and any part of the pig. The free paella to enter the Guinness Book of Records, the one that retirees carry in Caprabo bags, has only two possible points: puree and ammunition for blowguns.
THE VERBENERO INDEX
An infallible indication that the party is going well is that there are more people on the stage than below. If any person in the audience doubles the age of all the members of the orchestra, it means that there is little budget and a lot of emigration. If the ages of all those who are dancing do not reach that of the one who sings or added together, it indicates cuts, bad harvest and double loop . If the party councilor gets up on stage and drops his pants, everything is going well and the town is still rezoning lots at this point.
In the villages you only have to do two things: EAT AND DRINK
BEVERAGES
In the north the king is the calimocho and in the south, the rebujito . For the rest the official drink is a two-liter bottle of Coca Cola filled to the brim with more rum than any other liquid. Because the village festivals have that good thing: they are still a gin and tonic-free zone. The progress of a town can be diagnosed by the containers of the drinks: bottles and baticaos in the hipster towns of the 80s, and jugs and boots in the villages where rural tourism still smells of manure.
CLOTHING
Integration is essential, especially if you have a beard that can be confused with that of the goat. It's easy: rock shirt of the colors that caused the strabismus to Leticia Sabater , a straw hat that makes the natives homesick in the corral and, around their necks, a magic handkerchief that absorbs more liquid than the baize of the ad.
FAIR
The attractions of the village fairs seem insignificant. But now only its grinding sound of screws that have never seen the three in one terrifies more than any vulgar super roller coaster corkscrew looping. I have seen a friend lose a tooth in the hydraulic boat through a three-way carom of drunken heads worthy of better scenarios, such as a billiards world championship. And I myself have lost a shoe, my composure, my dignity and my stomach, one after another, at the hands of the Crazy Octopus.
For their part, bumper cars are the place to catch up on popular music that doesn't play on the radio formulas : Camela, cantaditas and maddening buzzard techno.
The tombolas and fair attractions
TOMBOLA
In one of those village fair raffles in which you always lack the jack of golds to win the plasma, it was where glory strong he wrote her immortal warning verses: "In the raffle of life I lost everything, / but she played me a cueceleches".
ENCLOSURES
Stand next to the gentleman in the beret who has entered the confinement route to cross to the other side, all of you start running at the same time and scream hysterically pointing to a nearby imaginary bull. The Red Cross will thank you very much for having a coronary patient to add to the monotonous alcoholic comas and boring antler wounds of every year.
BE RELATED
If you are a foreigner, you go to the pylon. It is written in the proclamation or in some royal certificate or in the DNA of the town, it is not known. Do not resist, which is worse. Let's say you leave the pylon disoriented, mix San Miguel with San Fermín and touch a native's breasts without her having asked you to.
Or let's say you are confused with someone from the next town and your dubious vocalization does not allow you to explain yourself well. In those cases you might as well take a town slap , a slap in the face with momentum and a 180-degree turn of the torso, the sound of a flat river stone bouncing in a puddle and an effect on your head that brings you together with the girl from The Exorcist . A village cake is not anything. In what UNESCO protects them and before they become mainstream , enjoy it.
*Article published on July 25, 2013 and updated on August 9, 2018