Flying is unnatural; airports, too
DO AS MUCH AS YOU CAN
It is important to be there five hours before from the departure of the flight, already putting on a face of sore feet and “but how long does it take”. The imaginative arrangement of your belongings and yourself on the floor of the queue and surrounding areas is not optional after the second hour.
MOVE IT IN ACCESS CONTROL
Getting naked and feeling yourself is not enough, so X-rays were invented to take it all deeper. If you take it with the sportsmanship of a lapdance dancer, it becomes shorter.
EAT REAL EXOTIC THINGS
They are made by the same guy who cooks on airplanes, the kind of guy that his neighbors later say that he's a good person and that he always said hello in the elevator. He is accompanied by a tomato juice, something that people would never dream of drinking at home , but which is the source of great drama if it ends up on board, it has spread to the terminals and we only hope that it does not leave the airport.
DRINK WELL WITHOUT ASKING YOU WHAT
There is a line of guys at the bar in every airport drinking gin and tonics in a short glass that doesn't fit and prepared, judging by the taste, groping. Or those phosphorescent colored things they call a cocktail and whose essential ingredients are, the umbrella, a quarter of a kilo of sugar and ten euros from your wallet. These outrages could be explained with what the company pays, but not with those.
THE HERO OF THE PLUGS
There is only one plug in the whole airport , is in a semi-accessible place in the mysterious and unknown column between Mordor and Atlantis. You have to twist or crawl like in Vietnam to reach it, but the guy goes and gets it. In what all the airports find out that we carry things that are plugged in, the guy with the mobile is anyone.
BE COMFORTABLE
Tom Hanks is the patron saint of these three guys with their sweaters tied over their eyes like a mask and their backpacks lined up in a parapet or pyramid. They sleep on or under the seats in the terminal and air the socks on the backrest. They may live there.
be comfortable
HAVE MEANINGFUL CONVERSATIONS
Those that sell cards always start with a question such as “Are you going to fly?” or "Do you like pretty things?" It is a trap, and they have caught you again with their cunning , of course you like them, damn it, and because of that you're going to have to put up with a half-hour badge and buy anything from them.
BECOME A FRIEND WITH THE DISTRESSING SCREEN
The last time I was in T4, Iberia had installed a check-in system that included mannequin stewardesses with screen faces. He followed you with his eyes wherever you went. I checked it as many times as I could by walking from one place to another. I checked up to a minute before someone approached me to see why he was doing suspicious things in an airport. I checked over and over and she kept looking at me . I think she's still there, looking at me.
Make friends with the haunting screen
START A REVOLT
There are two things in airports that they have created more anti-systems than the squat movement : the delays and cancellations and the extra euro and a half that you are charged by surprise on the metro at T4 in Barajas.
APPLY TO A CASTING
The taxi queue is a contest of misses . The jury is the taxi drivers and the desirability score is obtained by calculating variables such as the number of suitcases, the clueless face or how foreign you look.
RETURN BEFORE FLYING
Airports are not places, transit spaces to which no one feels they belong. In case your jet lag, the Borgian corridors and the mechanical treatment with the employees they wouldn't have pointed it out to you, the lighting, designed for a flying saucer, underlines it with the ultimate touch of unreality.
THE TAPE IS A TOMBOLA
Her hypnotic cadence is made so that when yours comes out last and with more buns than Panrico, you'll be all the same.
JUST DO IT
When you bend down to pick up the heart in the middle of the race to reach your connection in Munich, it is just when you see that sign indicating that your boarding gate is only 37 minutes away. If you don't run, it's like it's not a real vacation.
DISCOUNTS TO YOUR ACCOUNT
They are turning them into obligatory places of passage and thus they make it easier for you to wonder how it is possible that, if the rates are discounted, everything continues to cost twice as much as on the street, a few meters away.
DIOGENES CUSTOMS OFFICER
It is supposed that there are some laws that regulate what embarks and what disembarks. In practice, the feeling is that customs officers have a Diogenes syndrome that he takes it the same with a couple of bottles of gin as with a can of foie gras , a perfume, a dessert knife or a can of gasoline that what harm is it going to do. That's not fair.
THE PUBLIC ADDRESS
At the Frankfurt airport the public address system broke down and they realized that everything worked more efficiently that way and people got involved less . Now they no longer name you with the "last call" and the 15 minutes of airport fame you have to work harder, like Melendi.
Tom Hanks, patron saint of airports