The Gastrocanaperos, that fearsome tribe
That's right, today everything is "gourmet" (noses, if even Mercadona sells gourmet guacamole), lifestyle magazines now only talk about gastronomy (ahem), chefs monopolize more covers than ministers and bullfighters , advertising agencies rub their hands with the new gastro-advertiser campaign on duty and the popular dictionary has collapsed with -horrible- new words like foodie, finger food, trash cooking or gastrobar.
But this is not the worst. The worst thing is that as a result of “Food is the new Rock” a sinister, stupid and omnipresent typology has emerged (like a kind of gourmet Lemmings). We are talking about the gastrocanapero. And what better than those guilty of pointing the finger at such a dangerous specimen to explain their fight: those responsible for the ** @Gastrocanaperos account. "It was born as an observatory of the scrounger behavior of certain specimens in the gastronet**. In a way, gastronomy 2.0 has become a zoo and we act as naturalists observing our peers. We do not attack or judge, we just put a mirror in front of them and we serve as a loudspeaker for the collective. We follow them to presentations, we take note of the boxes of samples they receive and we write down the invitations from their victims. Unfortunately, not all gangsters take our work with the same sense of humor, "they say.
For the sake of dividing the slaps and turning four cheeks, we have distributed the commandments. The undersigned above signs the first five and the fearsome @Gastrocanaperos, the last five. And without further delay:
1) The gastrocanapero is born
Remember that fellow ball in class? That repellent kid Vicente sitting in the front row? That delegate quick to raise his hand and scratch half a point pointing to judo, English and typing? As well, today Vicente has a gastronomic blog, he goes to gastrosaraos as if there were no tomorrow and he tweets every canapé he gobbles down.
2) The gastrocanapero pays in posts
Not even a measly euro is willing to leave the true gastrocanapero in the brush. Posts, tweets, mentions, bonuses, photos on Instagram and even videos on Vine. But tickets? Please come another dog with that bone.
3) The gastrocanapero despises Michelin, 50Best and Repsol
And the opinion of Don Carlos Maribona, of José Carlos Capel, of Rafael García Santos and even of Grimod de la Reynière, if he raised his head, is also very difficult. For the gastrocanapero there is only one valid criterion and it is his . Just missing.
4) Master in genuflection
And a postgraduate degree in flattery, Vaseline on social networks and making the thread to each brand, restaurant, gin or beer that pays for the canapés on duty.
5) There have always been classes
Even among gastrocanaperos. Yes too. There are premium gastrocanaperos (with thousands of visits to the star gastronomic blog of the national media on duty) who play hard to get like Tamara Falcó (do you read me? I love you, Tamara) and only go to big dates; By invitation, of course. But there are also seedy-gastrocanaperos who drag themselves through a miserable straw at the neighborhood beer event.
6) The gastrocanaper needs a patron
"Just like Van Gogh had Doctor Gachet, the professional scrounger needs someone to sponsor his thrashing. Chefs, brands or advertising agencies fight to win the heart of the Gastrocanapero."
7) The gastrocanabut never says no
"No matter how tired you are, no matter how much ham you've eaten and no matter how much rough wine you've drunk. No matter how crappy the event is or how unhealthy the sample is. The gastrocanapero loves free. Professionalism above all else."
8)The gastrocanapero is a multimedia expert
"He edits photos, videos, texts, blogs and handles his gadget like a budding Hypertextual. He may not have a fucking idea what a lamprey is or think that a truffle is that thing that goes inside petisú. But if we talk about Final Cut Pro, Photoshop, Wordpress, Klout or Analytics things change."
9) Gastrocanaperism is contagious
"Okay, the gastrocanapero is born. But there are more and more cases of converts."
10) A way of life
"Let's not fool ourselves. For many this can be something fun but for them it is a way of life. Scrounging as the leitmotiv of their existence. If they want to go out to dinner, they announce it on Twitter. If they fancy a wine, they ask the warehouse."
And remember...
We all carry a gastrocanapero inside. Yes, you too.
The gastrocanapero is born