Read to the end (seriously) and read with humor
1. Endless days, hellish work throughout all the weekends (and holy days) of the rest of your non-existent life and the family conciliation policy of a Congolese dictator.
two. Fellows . "A Michelin restaurant is a business that, if all the people in the kitchen were on staff, would not be viable." lie, of course.
3. The dictatorship of Tripadvisor : the main responsible for your online reputation.
Four. 'b' boxes . Get used to it.
5. "You will never meet new people because your social life will deteriorate to almost non-existence." Marco Pierre White.
6. Who will criticize you and put your public image and that of your dishes on the boil will not be just a food critic drunk and chubby (also) but every human being with a mobile and an Instagram account.
7. “It is easy to conclude that all the cooks in a gastronomic restaurant are crazy lost. A gang of degenerates, manic junkies, drunken thugs, pickpockets, psychopaths and tarts. And the truth: you would not be far from the truth. The trade attracts subjects on the verge of legality, people who have gone through some atrocious experience in life. They may not have made it to high school, they may be running from something: a woman, a sordid family history, hopeless Third World hardship." A .Bourdain. A nice guy.
8. Close the blind one in five new restaurants. Eye.
9. "Normal" human beings will enjoy the Champions League final like dwarfs, Rafa Nadal against the Swiss on the center court of Roland Garrós and every race of 'Il Dottore'. You will see marriage proposals, divorces with bottles of Roederer Cristal and unforgettable "I'm pregnant". You will be behind the bar.
10. Lázaro Rosa-Violán will not be able to design your restaurant because he will be busy redesigning the Vatican, the White House and every free square inch of the Great Wall of China. He is a busy man.
eleven. Do you want your girlfriend? Don't set up a restaurant.
12 . If you're not a runner, you're not cool: you won't be in . You will be nobody in this high kitchen . So if what you want (and you will) are double-page interviews in those beautiful lifestyle magazines, it is better that you prepare some media.
13. Go forgetting your grandmother's recipes: you will learn to cook ceviches, dim-sums, baos, dumplings, ramen and fermented as if there were no tomorrow.
14. You will earn a thousand euros a month that you will spend on visiting two three-star restaurants that are profitable because... number 2 . Oh life.
fifteen. “ The thing I like doing is cooking ”. Hahaha. Sorry. Find yourself a good financial partner or cook in your spare time: a restaurant is a business.
16. Get used to you cancel reserved tables (that in the best of cases: the most usual thing will be that they don't even show up and, of course, they don't notify you) and forget about implement charging the pre-servera like a hotel does (which is how it should be). Here that doesn't work.
Do you want your girlfriend? Don't set up a restaurant.
17. You will hear more than three (and four) foodies bellowing proudly that “What I like is the product” , but they will cry to heaven when they see the bill for the turbot they just ate.
18. The way things are going, it won't be long before we see a 'Big Brother Chef'. I leave it there.
19. Do you know what a business plan is? Don't you? Well you should.
twenty. Our children's children are probably eating shake powders. Ah, the progress.
twenty-one. Tips are a thing of the past and Quentin Tarantino in Reservoir Dogs.
22. no pain no gain It will be your life maxim.
23 . You will not watch series, you will not go to the movies and no, of course, you will not read anything but cookbooks, Apicius (wonderful magazine) and reviews of your restaurant on Tripadvisor. Check point three.
24. You will probably end up hiring the services of a press office whose task will be to invite the four gastrocanaperos on duty who will say on their blogs with a thousand visits a month that you are the new Ferran Adrià and you, foolish, will imagine a queue at the door of your gastrobar and pasta at close range in your current account. What do you imagine?
25. Twitter.
26. Your competition, not so long from now, will not be another restaurant but Amazon, Facebook and Uber . Go saying hello to the overcrowding of the kitchen at home.
27. According to the data that Spanish Federation of Hospitality (Fehr) , 44,582 establishments closed their businesses throughout the last year.
28. In addition to being a chef and businessman, you will have to be a social media expert.
29. Google could be your friend but also your biggest enemy. And he's not a cool enemy.
30.**Woe to you if you get the first Michelin Star ** and you decide to participate in that race. Oh.
31 . They will call you a murderer (of animals), a thief (for the account), and a batterer (of _stager_s). And they will do it behind your back, of course.
32. The last: I have the feeling that, after journalism, cooking is the most beautiful, rewarding and honest job in the world. Wrote Guy de Maupassant that the kitchen is alchemy of love (and I couldn't agree more). So, if you love gastronomy: forget this list and set up (now) a restaurant.
If you love gastronomy: forget this list and set up (now) a restaurant