Patience, patience and patience
1. a little bit of trache
The Valenciano is crazy, this is the true (and only) commandment that you should never forget. At any time and in any scenario or situation — always hit it . So when in doubt of falling short or passing three towns: all in.
two. "Don't scratch me, aunt"
Cloud, totem of the insubstantial. Nube, wherever they see her (as an undesirable and mellifluous cock, I know) represents like few others the idiosyncrasy of Cap i Casal (Valencia, that is). The Valencian on foot (and we are all a little on foot) does not like very much that they complicate his life, much less the “ What are you thinking?" which can only lead to another worse question. Nothing of that. Bravas, terrace, glass of wine; those simple pleasures.
3. Everything is easier in front of the sea
The Valencian is that it is to smell a bit of saltpeter and he already gets silly. What are we going to do to it, it must be a matter of the buccaneer heritage, so palpable in els Poblats Martítims (Cabanyal or Malvarrosa). So now you know, when in doubt, take us to the sea!
Four. we burn things
We Valencians get together once a year to burn things. Giant things (monuments of paper, cardboard, wood and cork) up to 35 meters high that cost us millions of euros every year. And we burn them. Do you know why? Because we can.
we burn things
5. Fast & Furious & Jarana
If a Valencian makes you tick, then don't come to us with yes "what an overwhelm" and yes. Go assuming it now: we like noise, we like jarana and we like gunpowder . Valencia is not Copenhagen; nor damn the lack that it does.
6. latin is here
You'll see, the Valencian is the most heterodox and cyclothymic animal on the planet . In the morning you can have breakfast reading Cioran in a hipster cafe, watch a Kieślowski film in the afternoon at “La Filmo” and at night dance like there is no tomorrow El Taxi de Osmani García and Pitbull . We can electrolatino. The crazier: the better.
7. We take no prisoners
The night of Valencia is more dangerous than a wet Gremlin . Here we don't go around with so many nonsense and after the second cup too many (well, and in the first too) we advance positions on the conquest board without shrinking or embarrassment. Men and women do it alike and this has always been the case for as long as I can remember (oh, those Arabesque reserved...) .
8. Amb diners torrons
Saying that defines well the Valencian idiosyncrasy with which (more than one) has some problem of acceptance. It is normal. And it is that the Valencian likes pasta, he likes to have it, he likes it to shine ( bling bling ) and, especially, he likes that he annoys the neighbor. We like loreles, poker and losing bets, what's up? So if you have to conquer a Valencian: show me the pasta!
9. The Valencian in bed
small small so so
That tun pan pan that tun bread that tepe tepe
Pan pan pan que tun pan que pin
Everything is easier in front of the sea
10. The virgo of the Visanteta
La Visanteta is like our Carmen only (uh-huh) a little looser. In the original work (of Bernat i Baldovi , the first original work of the Valencian theater of the 19th century) El Tio Collons is sentenced "to s'ho faça pel cul / u que tinga un bon pardal" because he had previously sodomized his saintly wife. This is how traditional Valencian folklore spends them, children.
eleven. tetes no thanks
It is true (and whoever tells you no is lying) that every Valencian, however modern he may be, hides a tete in the depths of his being. In the same way that every Madrilenian keeps a piece of pimp; and this is how it is and in reality nothing happens —but there is no need to remind him day in and day out.
12. Throw more a pèl de figa than the rope of a boat
Free and Valencian translation of the (much more boring) “Two tits pull more than two carts”. And it is that to reach the heart of the Valencian one does not have to beat around the bush or so much gibberish —we like to call things by their name.
13. Memento Mori always.
A wonderful concept for which Valencia has invented a name: Meninfotisme. meninfotisme? Aha, more or less it can be translated as "everything sweats us a lot and very hard" and that basically is nothing more than our free interpretation of the freer, puerile and carefree hedonism.
14. Eating (and drinking) well is sacred, sacred!
Valencia is the land of the best dish in the history of mankind (yes) The paella . But it is much, much more than that: and it is that every inhabitant of the capital of Túria (whether from here or not, because if he is here he is already a bit of here) is a gastronome beyond measure; In short, if you want to conquer a Valencian (also) you have to do it through the stomach and there is no better moment in the city than this: the miscegenation of Ruzafa, the rice dishes in the saler , the breakfasts in The Patacona or the mid-afternoon coffees in the Columbus Market. You have to eat Valencia..
fifteen. Wanderlust on the terreta_
The Valencian never stops still. There's no way (Wanderlust: uncontrollable desire to travel the world, crazy desire to travel) and I'm not just talking about the hundreds of kilometers you'll walk in Fallas or the Estación del Norte always overflowing; No. N or for quiet because Valencia is a land of makers : from architects, chefs, musicians, actors, journalists, carpenters, potters and shoemakers. It's not just that we like to move (also) it's that we want to try any plan (project, company or madness) fall and get up. And again. So there are few simpler ways to conquer us than a backpack, a sandwich and a train ticket — there you have a clue.
16. the fat route
The joke of the Bakalao Route stopped being funny back in the nineties, when Bruce Willis had hair and Big Mountain was grilling with 'Oh Baby, I Love Your Way' . Great song .
ALL. Paella on fire. Everything on fire.
17. Easy
The happiness of the Valencian is an easy thing, as easy as the mechanism of a jug (and I say this from the highest pride and satisfaction, for the record) . We like to drink, we like to eat, we like to live and we like to flirt. What else do you need to know?