Happier holidays with the little ones
To avoid this feeling, which also leads many to don't even consider taking a trip until their children are already in Primary, we have asked ourselves: How can we minimize tantrums on trips?
To answer the question, we contacted pink fonts , secondary school teacher and Family Educator certified in Positive Discipline, who spreads her knowledge on the blog My Favorite Parenting Articles: Respectful and Conscious Parenting and that it has a community of more than 45,000 followers only on Facebook. She herself, in fact, suffered this summer one of these scary episodes of which we spoke with her son, while they were in Iceland.
encouraged by Previous favorable travel experiences -they have been going abroad on vacation with him since he was seven months -, they launched to live a car adventure across the country, staying in a different hotel every day. "It so happens that she was the first long trip since she was diaper-free. And now back, I think We are overly optimistic. It was probably a little soon even for this type of trip, and so much change It has made him quite uneasy. Therefore, we have had more difficulties than usual to get their collaboration," she explains in **one of her posts.**
Thus, the vacations were settled with one or two tantrums of varying intensity each day, a situation that, according to Rosa herself, becomes especially complicated during the holidays, since "you have places to go, things to see, and also, ** a certain pressure to enjoy ** yes or yes".
Car trips must be planned respecting the child's schedule
WHAT IS A TANTRUM?
To get started: what exactly is a tantrum? "I like to call tantrums "emotional outbursts". It is an expression that I copied from an Argentine psychologist called Natalia Linguori . I like it because she doesn't have the negative connotations that has the word 'tantrum', and because it helps me visualize them as a wave of emotions that floods the brain and prevents the child from functioning normally", explains Rosa.
"An emotional overflow is an episode in which the lower brain , the one in charge of the emotions, among other things, takes command and prevents the brain from accessing higher functions such as reasoning, negotiation or flexibility. is an answer totally normal from an immature brain faced with a situation that is beyond him, since he is still very far from having a prefrontal cortex (the one in charge of the higher functions of the brain) fully developed. It can be caused by frustration, tiredness, hunger, feeling insecure, fear..."
emotional overflows
HOW TO PREVENT EMOTIONAL OVERFLOW?
Avoid them completely, in the words of the expert, it is impossible , but yes they can prevent trying to cover certain basic needs. "If we are traveling, we can make sure we always carry water and snacks to try to prevent tantrums caused by hunger or thirst. We can try to organize the visits around the break times of the little one to try to prevent overflows caused by fatigue. We can take a kind of travel diary, very visual, in which to explain to the little one every day what are we going to do, how and in what order to try to make them feel that they have more control over the trip, as a way to prevent overflow due to fear or insecurity; and in the same way we can try to maintain er a routine as similar as possible to the day-to-day, or a attachment object to accompany you during the trip. With this type of measure, we serve to the origin tantrums as a form of prevention," says Rosa.
"It's also important to be especially flexible and not getting too attached to **our expectations about the trip.** When we plan a trip, we often visualize how it is going to be and we project our idealization About the others. When we travel with children, the trips are especially unpredictable , so we are going to find on many occasions that reality does not have much to do with what we had imagined. Many times, we are the ones who give rise to tantrums by trying to put the child in an image of the trip that has nothing to do with what he wants to do at that moment. You have to find the balance between be proactive and live in the moment ".
It is best to forget expectations and be flexible
HOW TO CALM A TANTRUM?
The maxim of having no expectations, which is crucial to having fun on any trip (in any circumstance, we would say) , becomes especially important when it comes to share vacations with the kids . But, once the tantrum has already occurred, how can we contribute to calm her down ?
"When the tantrum inevitably comes, the number one priority should not be to calm the little one, but avoid reacting catching us another tantrum, because ours lasts much longer than theirs, for sure, and because we should be example of emotional regulation So the most important thing is keep calm. If we are lucky enough to be able to identify the source of the tantrum, the easy way to help the little one is considering the origin. That is, if we believe that It may be due to exhaustion we offer rest. If it's because of hunger, we offer food, etc."
"If we don't know why that is, or if we don't currently have a way to fill the need behind the overflow, what I personally recommend is offer empathy, and accompany him patiently while he vents and until he calms down. Sometimes it doesn't take much more than sit next to her as she rolls on the floor crying , lend a hand, say a few endearing words from time to time, and wait for him to look for our lap to comfort yourself."
It is important to accompany while the episode lasts
THIS IS HOW TO ACT IN THE FACE OF A TRAVEL TANTRUM: A REAL CASE
Those steps are the ones that Rosa followed in Blue Lagoon, the well-known Icelandic thermal lagoon, when her baby overflowed. "I find myself alone, in a locker room crowded, with a child crying for his father [she was on another floor], that she was just given a good coscon and who refuses to pee even though she desperately needs it. What do I do?" she wondered.
"First, I looked for an area of the locker room where there was less people, and if possible, that there would be older women, more likely to be understanding of the situation. Second, breath deeply and I looked at the ceiling for a second while she had the little one in her arms. Third, I focused on keep my tone soft and sweet, as if the little one wasn't crying, as if what he was saying to me was in a normal tone of voice ".
"I started putting my things in the locker while the boy rolled on the ground . I took him in my arms and i sat with him a moment on a bench. I told him we had to put on the swimsuit for the pool, that dad was waiting for us there, and that he was going to help change. I started by changing his shoes for the flip-flops, by force. The boy resisted but I swear I managed to remain completely calm even though my movements were firm. At that moment, she calmed down a bit and he asked to pee. We ran out to find the bathroom and he did."
Despite the progress, right after this moment, her son began to run and cry once again, calling her father. This is how Rosa acted: "I laid him down on the stool and, while he spoke to her in a calm tone, I started to take off his pants and put on his swimsuit. the little he resisted and cried, but i managed to do it one more time remaining firm, conveying confidence and remaining calm. I knew the shirt wasn't going to be able to force it off, so I left it on."
"There will be someone not comfortable with using force with the kids. Me, in general I would rather not do it, but in a situation like this where it's Impossible to get your collaboration and in which there is a time limit, I believe that what benefits you most is to get move forward and change environment. Here, in particular, the best way to get the tantrum to pass was go to the pool : I knew that, as soon as I saw her, he would calm down if he hadn't calmed down before."
It was only necessary to reach the Blue Lagoon for the little one to calm down...
THE RECONNECTION
At the end of the stressful episode, came the part that this mother is most proud of: the reconnection "I picked it up and sat down, with the firm intention of staying there as long as it took. The little snuggled up on my neck, and I started rocking a little bit and humming. the little he stopped crying little by little and calm down, and surprisingly, It didn't take more than a few minutes. When I noticed that he was calmer, I told him that I needed to close the locker and that I was going to leave him in his seat for a moment. Before I did, I asked: "Are you ready? ", he said yes and I put it there. So, he asked me to she will tell him a story , so, while I finished cleaning up, I began to tell her a story, as n a super relaxed tone, and I continued telling the story as I walked out of the locker room with him in my arms. As we walked out of there, I could swear that some of the women who had witnessed the scene they were smiling sympathetically ".
The reconnection, the best moment
WHAT WE SHOULD NEVER DO
Thus, according to the specialist, the last thing to do under these circumstances, it is get angry: "Children's excesses are very intense, but they don't last long , even if they make us eternal. Once they've blown off steam and are fine again, they are alright. To us, an anger can last us all day, easily, and it can spoil a day of travel. In the same line, We also should never threaten, punish, ridicule, yell at, shake, or hit a child who has a tantrum. Emotions are part of life, and the best way to teach that They are normal and that just as they come they go, it is, precisely, treating them normally ".
In fact, it is precisely this attitude that can save us from the uncomfortable "what they will say" while the episode lasts: "The bad thing about tantrums in public is that it makes us feel ridiculous . gives us a extra stress why others will think of us as parents. What will they think of "chicken" we are riding "says the expert.
"Most of those who observe, they understand that children go through moments like this, and the only thing they really censor is when it's the parents who end up throwing a tantrum at the same time. Having this thought helped me focus all my efforts on keep calm while the situation lasted, instead of focusing on stop it as soon as possible and at all costs", reflects Rosa in her Icelandic post.