Partner yes, partner no, a tricky dilemma
...Or maybe it's the other person who is considering it. Maybe she prefers to travel with her friends, with her family, or even alone. The reasons? Let no one raise their hands to their heads: They don't have to be suspicious. They can range from sharing tastes (maybe you want to go to a festival that you and your friends love) to spend some time alone, Or maybe go to a city that you have never really been interested in.
"Being in a relationship does not mean that you and your partner have somehow fused your bodies into one and you can not do anything that does not directly involve the other person. Rather the complete opposite: There is nothing more attractive than someone who is not afraid to follow her passion! " Who speaks like this is Marta, the traveling blogger behind ** A Girl Who Travels ,** a strong defender of that of take separate vacations.
"You must find a partner who either share or at least respect your passion for traveling (or for anything, for that matter) and it is mature enough enough to understand that for a relationship to flourish, you have to give the other person enough space to do her things once in a while," she explains. Likewise, she adds the most powerful advantages What does it mean, in her opinion, to fly to the other side of the world without your better half:
Travel alone to, for example, join a spiritual retreat
1. It teaches you that your happiness is your responsibility and no one else's : "It took me a long time to realize that true happiness can only come from within , and that expecting others to provide it not only won't make you happier, it can put your relationship in jeopardy ".
two. Helps you develop: "Traveling alone gives you best personal growth lessons . since returning to you more open minded, patient and kind until learning how to be more independent, every solo trip is a step towards becoming a better version of yourself This also means that each adventure offers you the chance to bring something new to your relationship ".
3. It shows you that you don't need to be in a relationship to be whole: "There is a big difference between wanting and needing someone. All those things that you think you need from your partner, like acceptance, love or security are not they will never really be yours until you learn to provide them for yourself.
Four. It makes you reconnect with yourself: "How many times do you have the opportunity to focus only on yourself and do exactly what you want when do you want? (...) Basically, traveling alone takes your "me time" to another level."
5. Absence fuels wanting: "According to the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, the more time you spend apart, the more intimacy, communication and satisfaction is predicted in the relationship.
Relationship expert April Masini agrees with Marta, explaining: " A week apart is not going to ruin your relationship. , but, if it is healthy, he will make it stronger . In addition, you will be establishing a good example for your children Well, you can have a romantic relationship with built-in independence."
Likewise, Masini considers that this time apart can even be seen as a show of support for each other : "If one of the two of you just won a lawsuit, for example, she needs a week to sleep and read spy novels, and you're swamped with work, send it or send it on vacation with a picture of you to put by the bed while you take care of everything at home," she suggests.
Traveling on your own will make you learn a lot
TRAVELING SEPARATELY IS NOT ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA
Nevertheless, Not everyone thinks that traveling alone while with a partner should be the norm. Thus, ** José Antonio García Higuera ,** Doctor in Psychology, considers that there are few occasions when going out alone is justified : "We live in a society in which it is difficult to combine private life with work, which is becoming more and more demanding. In this context, Holidays are an ideal occasion to share the whole day and deepen the couple's relationship. Only if there is a problem or you have a very intense relationship For example, working together can contribute something to the relationship that they take the vacations separately", he explains to us.
And he continues: "I'm not talking about the multiple occasions in which couples vacation mismatch over time for work reasons or for any other reason. So, taking vacations when everyone can, that is, separately, is a way of transmitting to the other that you care about her well-being, compared to the advantages of having their presence at all times", argues the specialist.
However, in general terms, the professional considers that " for the vast majority of couples," taking separate vacations has no benefit , leaving a window to study particular cases in which it could be interesting: "For example, the advantage may be in do something that the other or another does not like , that it is important for those who want to take them separately, and that the occasion is unique to do so", he details.
What the experts do seem to agree on is that walk away from each other when things are not going well It is not a good idea. Aprim Masini explains: "If you go on holiday alone because you need some time away from your partner, then You have bigger problems that you need to attend to. Then, the trip will not result in a rejuvenated relationship . "Taking a break" in a troubled relationship doesn't work; in that case, you can expect both of you to behave as if you were single ".
In some cases, it is better not to separate during the holidays
HOW DO I TELL HIM THAT I WANT TO TRAVEL WITHOUT HIM OR HER?
Marta, from A Girl Who Travels, shares this idea: "In the end, even when traveling alone, the problems will still be there when you come back , so it would be better to try to fix them from the beginning", he advises. García Higuera is also of that opinion: "You have to take into account that, if the reasons for going on vacation alone are related to want to distance yourself from your partner , it is difficult for the other not to get angry -unless they are tired of being together so much and it is good for them to distance themselves-", she tells us. Despite everything, even if you are experiencing this last case -or perhaps precisely because of it-, Telling our partner that we want to travel without him can be very complicated.
The best, according to the expert, is state our reasons as clearly as possible. The blogger, for her part, suggests doing it through a talk "calm, honest and full of love" : "I would explain the fact that traveling alone it is not a reflection of how I feel about my partner, but how much I want to pursue my passion. what i want to experience how are you traveling alone, which is just something I want to do," she says.
But what if not even the most carefully chosen words keep the other person from getting angry? "Depends on degree of anger and how important it is to take vacations without our partner", explains García Hiiguera. " If you are going to put the relationship at risk, you have to rethink the decision to do so", considers the psychologist.
Maybe you have the opportunity to travel to Italy and it can only be with your friends
BUT WHAT ABOUT ONCE WE'RE GONE?
However, before embarking on a discussion of this type, it should be borne in mind what will be our feelings once we are many kilometers from the loved one. For traveler Madeleine Somerville, the mere fact of embarking is already putting the relationship to the test. "To get started, it breaks your heart to leave someone . Goodbyes at the airport with a heavy heart, hugs and kisses, which they will be the last in a long time -and the tears because you know it-. This kind of chosen absence leaves you empty ", she remembers.
" Staying in touch is not the hardest thing "she explains, alluding to technology. "It also has nothing to do with stay true ", considers her." It will mean a lot to say no, and that has the potential to cause strange situations , because it will involve listening to another accent trying to convince you that to be faithful is to miss out on the true experience of the journey. It will mean being predictable rather than dramatic, but if you want to do it, you will do it ", she sums up.
The real problem for her is, precisely, make room for the other during the trip . "You'll always have the nagging feeling that since you're traveling, you should be doing it and not hanging on a sweaty phone glued to your ear, or writing an email that sounds like exactly the right mix of what you're having a good time and, at the same time, you miss it terribly," she exposes.
"Nevertheless, you can't spend the whole trip crying on the filthy hostel pillow or glued to the phone. You have to find the balance between loss and emotion . And that, friends, is the hard part: having a great time alone while you manage to keep the home fire alive She opines Somerville.
Nevertheless, the writer is a fervent advocate of traveling separately, and she considers it worth it despite the small sacrifices what needs to be done to make it work for both (such as adjust to call times of the two countries, even if you split an excursion in two, or "make sure that the flirtation does not go beyond flirting") . " It's the same mix of commitment and compassion that makes a relationship work when you're together. ", ditch.
Trading your partner for your family from time to time can be great.