Did you just break up? You have to go on a trip!
The whole world opens up to you, newly single! Now you don't have to fight with anyone if you want to spend the whole day in a museum or if you feel like throw yourself on the beach until your skin falls off in little pieces. They won't scold you either you spend a pasture in a restaurant , or if you prefer to sleep in a hostel rather than in a four star. DO WHAT YOU WANT : Now, the one who sets the rules is you. ALL.
But in case the integers of freedom you just won are not enough for you, we have searched compelling reasons to convince you that, in your new condition of zombie tied to a kleenex box , it will be better for you to go around the world than around your living room. And, in addition, it will help you with those dark circles that worry your parents so much.
" A trip can help us overcome a love, especially when the separation has not been a personal decision or our initiative. Forget an impossible love, a destructive love, or a love that left and abandoned us It is not easy, and even less so if we adopt a passive and ruminative posture , very focused on the memories with that person", explains Pablo Fernández Berrocal.
We have asked him why he is Professor of Psychology at the University of Malaga , as well as director and founder of the ** Laboratory of Emotions ** of this same University and co-director of the Master of Emotional Intelligence , so it seemed to us that you could take him especially seriously even in that catatonic state in which breakups add us.
"The best way to forget negative emotions -Fernández continues- is creating and building positive emotions that eliminate negatives automatically. Therefore, in these cases, a trip is a unique opportunity to proactively live new positive experiences that fill the emotional memory of new and intense memories that will make us feel better.
Discover new places, new situations and new people they will make us get away from our thoughts and emotions of ourselves and our problems. Besides, this whole trip will also be an inner journey that will make us grow as people and be happier ".
The low one does not forgive, friend. Fix it!
After this declaration of intent Do you still think that it is best to bury yourself in the sofa? That's because, despite the fact that we take it in a good mood so that you see the matter with different eyes, you are immersed in a spiral from which it is difficult to abstract.
Science -and literature- will explain why: "Lope de Vega, one of the most important poets and playwrights of the Spanish Golden Age, wrote that "Love has an easy entrance and a difficult exit" . This happens because our love experiences are recorded in the emotional memory and this memory is characterized by having a great resistance to forgetting", Fernández illustrates.
" The things we learn associated with an emotion are recorded in fire in our brain because our limbic system, specifically the amygdala, sends emotional information to the hippocampus, which is involved in memory formation. The mechanism is very simple: the stronger an emotion, the more strongly it will be etched into memory. That is why it is so difficult to forget a love, because it is full of very intense emotions. And less spontaneously , without doing anything. For this reason, Lope de Vega also recommended "That there is no remedy, to forget love, like another new love, or land in between ”, he concludes. You see? "Middle Land"!
In our effort to convince you that pack your bags in such terrible times , we have also wanted to collect another high opinion, that of Doctor Giuseppe Iandolo, Professor of Psychopathology and Psychodiagnosis at the European University of Madrid.
He warns us, however, that not everything is to run away, and less, suddenly: "The idea of making a trip during this process should not be conceived as an opportunity to flee or deny what happened, but rather to accept, elaborate and mature the new situation to achieve personal well-being again".
"The rupture, in the same way as a trip, can suppose a possibility to explore new options, relationships and aspects of oneself , taking advantage of the new chapter of life that opens after the closure of the relationship ", he warns. In addition, he advises us when it is more useful to leave:" A trip is recommended in the phases of nostalgia and acceptance (or pseudo-acceptance) of the breakup, provided it has been adequately overcome the initial moments of negotiation and conflict with the former partner".
Getting your records in order won't help you as much as packing your bags.
Any other tips for this flight forward really useful? Yes, many!: "Different investigations show that having the possibility of traveling in a comfortable way , with punctual and quality services, avoiding sources of stress and discomfort positively influence the perception of subjective well-being of the traveler. Depending on the personality characteristics of each one, it may be advisable to travel alone , in the cases of the most extroverted, such as accompanied by someone you trust , in the case of the most introverted or insecure", Iandolo tells us.
For his part, Fernández also advises us to have a good eye when choosing both a destination and a companion:
"The post-breakup trip has to be full of intense, positive and constructive experiences and emotions. Under that script we have to know how to choose a destination that guarantees them and the right person to facilitate them. It is not worth choosing a travel companion with whom you will be continually talking about my ex-partner and remembering with him the most romantic moments of the trips we made together. Nor a colleague who is going through a similar emotional situation and turn the trip into the excursion of the brotherhood of Santo Reproche , as Sabina would say. In short, traveling to happy and positive places with proactive and constructive people It is the perfect opportunity to forget, grow and love intensely again", she sums up.
Iandolo also agrees with this approach, so he sees looking at tickets: "Both traveling and sharing the trip with a friend as socialize at the destination are factors that can positively influence the path towards a new mental, emotional and social balance . The type of destination should be related to the interests and characteristics of the person, although there is also the possibility of taking advantage of the occasion to dare with places and activities different from the usual . In this way, the trip can be considered as the springboard to rebuild one's identity , lifestyle and resume or establish new interpersonal relationships not necessarily loving.
In 'Begin Again,' being in a new city makes it much better to feel bad about being cheated on.
The only thing to keep in mind, now that you have the card in your hand and you are about to click on "buy" , is that you have to take off... but With your feet on the ground:
"Travel can have therapeutic value as long as you have some expectations adjusted to reality: we should not think that it will change our life or that it will be an opportunity to find the ideal partner . It is therapeutic to the extent that allows us to reconnect with aspects of ourselves that we had forgotten or surprise ourselves by simply appreciating the present", explains Iandolo.
But you can do that, of course you can! Anything exceeds pajama nights and ice cream and the stress of guessing which parties you can't go to to avoid running into your ex. It is that, if you look closely , you hardly have an excuse: It's not worth it ** or that you don't have money, or that you don't have someone to go with , or that you don't know where to go alone, or alone, or how are you going to do that traveling on your own... We repeat it even in another language: the world is your oyster, and you, the only little pearl you have to take care of from now on. Come on, tomorrow is late, and ** the world is full of wonderful travelers to meet!
You can do better than this!
*** Report published on December 29, 2015 and updated on November 29, 2019.**